[sex party]

so I went to a sex party in amsterdam
it was all that it promised to be
& I bounced body to body with a limp dick & a big frown 
it was dark, though, so no one could see

it’s always so sad when you get what you wanted 
but you’re not how you thought you would be
so go back and sit down with that dull, aching feeling
try to figure out what you don’t see 

maybe sometimes I’m not meant to be happy
maybe I should just let me be
I just want to much more than my life wants to give me
if I accept that will I be happy 


[fort tryon]

6 months in the big city and it's not going
like my vision board said it would
I know I should see people when I get like this
but it's $2.75 each way

dollar pizza, wounded lion then I finally
make me leave my bed
at night I run to the hill at fort tryon and I stand
and make me say to me

I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
& again
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
& again

my forehead on the ground
I love you, I love you
grind my salt cheekbones
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
& again

I'm ashamed that the little green men in the sky
can see me from above
& I lay and I let the concrete form
patterns on my arms and legs

I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
& again
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
& again
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
til the end

[stupid sex]

let’s talk about stupid sex 
in a taxi cab going west
in your boogie brooklyn duplex 
let’s let the figure out the rest

no, of course I’m doing well
fetal on the bathroom tiles
promise that you won’t t-tell
running out of me to sell

if I swipe right I don’t have to think
if I scroll down I don’t have to sink
how can I worry bout my rent this month
when I’m this deep in a creamy twinkie

let’s talk about stupid sex
cause it’s better than thinkin bout those bouncing checks
cause it’s better than thinkin bout my asshole ex
let’s let them clean up the mess

да mama I'm doing fine 
всё нормально in the city
sorry that I haven’t called
no, it’s probably just a cold

if I swipe right I don’t have to think
if I scroll left I don’t have to sink
how can I worry bout my rent this month
when I’m this deep in a creamy twink

come on over here and dance dance with me
come on over here and sniff this little bottle
puff puff puff til I’m really falling over
or I’m rocking & I’m crying cause I’m p-p-panic beating 

come on over here and death drop baby
come on over here and eat chips with me
come on over here and drop dead baby
come on over here and listen to kim petras

come on over here I wanna hug you from behind 
come on over here and feel how soft my sweater is 
come on over here and touch my fuckin hair
come on over here and don’t say a word

is there a better diversion than some good ole fashioned perversion 
I would sit on a gun if it meant I could have some fun 

[gullible]

it's gettin gettin late and I’m 
much too proud to crawl 
you built & built me up but didn't 
stay to watch me fall

some people just can't stand to see the
mess they make, they make 

I keep on, keep on giving you the 
benefit of the doubt
but fool me once to fool me twice to fool me 
three times, I'll figure you out

I just never knew that I would be so vulnerable 
or gullible 

I overanalyze, believe your sloppy lies
I need to say goddamn I tried
I left my logic, let you fool me
I was so gullible, so gullible

d-did I did I even think that I deserved reciprocity 
you’re awful good at hiding all your lack of empathy
just someone lovin you is not reason to leave them and
someone lovin you is not permission to hurt them, amen

I overanalyze, believe your sloppy lies
I need to say goddamn I tried
I left my logic, let you fool me
I was so gullible, so gullible

but no more, no more, no more


[mars & nails]

and mars & nails can
fill you up
and your cotton cave can
send you off

but it’s still there
yeah, it’s still there

and a sleepy green mirage can
soothe and massage
and why not spain again
if it’ll get you off

but it’s still there
yeah, it’s still there 

the ruby demons dance and 
laugh and twist til dawn and
clutch the prize they won
a soul in amber gone

and oh I tried to be strong
unhear their fiery song
but oh they live in me
I can’t tell which voice is wrong 


[boys just wanna have fun]

walk through the doors of the clinic
like norm walking into cheers
hi high-five the white coat
for the hat trick

I know exactly what I do that 
makes me hurt the most
but that won’t stop me
no, that won’t stop me

smile wide for the shot
wear the bandage like a badge 
oh, you know these

boys just wanna have fun 
just wanna have fun
just wanna have fun

my body’s not my own
so season it, treason it
all used up
never used enough 

now I’m finally having some fun
so when’s it gonna start feeling good?
oh, you know these

boys just wanna have fun 
just wanna have fun
just wanna have fun 

isn’t this what they died for?
yeah, they would be so proud
they’re watching us - normal hearts in their chests
looking down or looking up - they’re looking down or looking up 

I just wanna walk in the sun 
I don’t wanna disappear into the sun 


[cleopatra] 

cleopatra, my queen of denial
what could I have done to make you see
I've seen you make the same mistakes over & over again

pass the bong, stoned again
man, it's okay cause we just graduated
it's like the world's bout to end
guess I'd rather be sedated

stop my sentence halfway through
cause I know that you're not listening
say it's cause you're high
but you're like this sober too

cleopatra, my queen of denial
what could I have done to make you see?
I've watched you make the same mistakes over & over again
by now I know when to stand clear

and we'd climb to the top of
emerald pine trees singing regina
hitchhike to UFOs
passing by

oh, they'd take us away
to a place the couldn't judge
you said you loved me cause you
knew I'd never leave

cleopatra, my queen of denial
what could I have done to make you see?
I've watched you make the same mistakes over & over again
by now I know when to stand clear


[void]

let’s laugh at the void miss
let’s jump in the boys bliss
let’s breathe in the noise kiss
let’s soak in the blackness

let’s fall from the windows 
let’s take turns in cinders
let’s punish these pillows
let’s be bubbly bimbos 

let’s forgive our fathers
let’s forsake our authors
let’s wait for all waters
let’s disappoint our doctors

let’s sleep in til yesterday 
let’s mold our faces like clay 
pretend that we’re too cool to pray
pretend that I don’t wanna stay

let’s look for the answer
be my tiny dancer
be my frozen ember 
be my broken ladder